Today has been incredibly trying and emotional for me. I have meditated on this verse and am seeking comfort in being refined and finding confidence in His path.
David and I have been in deep conversation about Maelynn's upcoming arrival, specifically her delivery. Our third c-section date has been set and because it is a few days before my actual due date, the doctors are confident that I probably will give birth to Maely (that is our nickname for her already!) early. This has brought up a lot of different emotions for me/us. Long story short, David and I decided that if if I did go into labor we would opt for a VBAC as long as Maely's condition (and mine) were stable. We thought we had a plan! For me, it was complete surrender and trusting that the Lord would bring Maely safely into the world.
I prepared myself to talk to the DR this morning and share our new found wishes. I was completely unprepared to hear the words "absolutely not" from my OB. Once she explained their reasoning and showed me my medical records (very complicated, I might add), I cried a little bit, dried my tears and walked out the door. I had not even reached the elevator before my OB had called to assure me that we were making the right decision, solely because of the life-threatening risk it would pose to myself if we opted for a VBAC after already enduring an emergency c-section as well as a "normal" c-section.
I called David after getting off the phone with my OB to tell him their response. Once again, I am amazed by his humble and protective response. "Ri, I know that you are disappointed and had your heart set on this. My main concern is you. You. Then the kids and making sure they are healthy." Honestly, I cannot even see the computer screen as I type his words. So very incredibly comforting and true.
The Lord is using this pregnancy to refine who I am in Him. Our sweet Maely has changed her mama so much already and is challenging me to look beyond myself. These past few months have been trying for me on many levels, but when I surrendered Maely's delivery to Him, I should have known that God was going to use it to refine me even more, teach me even more about His unfailing love, and to open my eyes to the every day blessings I have the pleasure of walking through life with each day.